My older brother raised me, and I thought I could pay him back by spoiling his kids. It has created some unexpected issues.

The author decided to spoil her nieces and nephews with toys.

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My older siblings helped raise me, and my older brother worked hard to buy me new things.Since I couldn’t pay them back years later, I decided to spoil their kids with gifts and toys.The toys just became clutter in the house, and I have now learned to buy experiences.

When I was a kid, I loved looking at new things on store shelves. It could be a box of pencils or a package of fuzzy tennis balls. Children’s toys were especially exciting. I liked bouncy balls, hula hoops, and pogo sticks. I absolutely loved looking at all the dolls that were safely stowed behind plastic, their hair taped down against cardboard.

When I was in middle and high school, my older siblings helped take care of me. My oldest brother, in particular, worked very hard to help our family. He let me live with him and always had a stocked fridge.

But he also provided extras. Brand names were a big deal to impressionable kids, and my brother bought me my first North Face jacket, Coach purse, and pair of Ugg boots. I felt special, and for one of the first times, I felt like I fit in.

When my nieces and nephews were born, I wanted to find some way to repay my siblings for everything they did for me. I knew I could never fully repay them, and for a while, I harbored guilt about that.

But I did feel like I could pay it forward by spoiling their kids. I felt it was only appropriate to spoil my nieces and nephews with gifts — until it wasn’t.

I first overwhelmed my nieces and nephews with toys

I had been shown love through gifts and wanted to reciprocate it. I found the cutest clothing, toys, shoes, and books for my siblings’ kids.

For years, it made me feel good to bestow them with gifts, especially brand-name items.

But too many things can create clutter. I’m not their only aunt or relative who wants to show love through giving gifts. It seems many of us spoil them in the same way.

Clutter is overstimulating, especially for young children. A constant influx of things is a lot for kids to manage. I worry about what overconsumption can do to their attention spans, too. If there are countless toys to play with, they may feel like they constantly have to keep switching toys and never get to enjoy an item truly.

I now try to focus on meaningful gifts

I have started making a conscious effort to cut back. For Christmas, I now try to limit myself to purchasing only two gifts per child, and those presents have to be useful or meaningful. For birthdays, I ask my nieces and nephews specifically what they want, and if they aren’t sure, I give them a card with cash that they can save or spend how they see fit.

Most importantly, I’m focusing on having more intentional experiences with them. Since I don’t live close, I don’t get to spend as much time as I would like with them. But when I do see them, I try to be as present as possible and emphasize activities over shopping sprees.

I’ve realized gifting them experiences matters the most

My nieces and nephews and I love going to arcades, museums, and skating rinks. In the summer, we go on hikes in the woods or swim at the beach. We love camping. In the winter, we build snowmen, go sledding, or have snowball fights.

Some of my most cherished memories in the world have been made by going with them to the park near their home. We play tag, soccer, and basketball. I love watching them play and have fun — and I have fun, too. It really is priceless.

We’re talking about taking a big family vacation soon. We’ve discussed cruises or possibly an overseas trip. But whatever we do, all I care about is spending time together.

The years have passed so fast, and the truth is, I can hardly remember what toys they wanted or got. What I see in my head is the time spent together, laughing, playing, and making memories.