Africa: When Marriage Becomes a Race Against Time

Dar es Salaam — FOR many young adults, questions about marriage often begin long before they feel ready to settle down. Family gatherings, conversations with friends and even casual interactions with neighbours can quickly turn into discussions about when they plan to get married.

While such questions may appear harmless, relationship experts warn that pressure to marry, especially because of age or social expectations, can have lasting consequences. Relationship Expert Karoli Mabula says one of the biggest mistakes people make is entering marriage to satisfy other people’s expectations rather than their own readiness.

“It is not right for society, including parents, to pressure young people into marriage,” he says.

According to Mabula, many marriages that begin under pressure later encounter difficulties because one or both partners were not emotionally prepared for the commitment.

“If you look closely, many people who married because of pressure end up facing challenges in their relationships because they were not truly ready,” he says.

His views are echoed by Relationship Counsellor Kalumbu Charles, who says marriage should be entered willingly and with full understanding of the responsibilities involved.

“Many people who are pressured into marriage do so when their hearts are not ready. This often causes emotional suffering and can affect the stability of the relationship,” he says.

Charles notes that some couples struggles with trust and commitment because their decision to marry was driven by external expectations rather than personal conviction.

“Couples need to understand each other, respect one another and communicate openly. Those foundations become difficult to build when people enter marriage reluctantly,” he adds. Psychologist Machali Ndelwa says pressure from parents, relatives and society has become a hidden contributor to marital conflict.

“I have encountered many marriage disputes where, after careful assessment, it becomes clear that the couple married simply because they felt they had to, not because they were genuinely ready,” he says.

According to Ndelwa, social expectations often convince people that reaching a certain age automatically means it is time to marry.

“After looking deeper, you find that one or both partners made the decision because of age and pressure from relatives and friends. Unfortunately, many end up living with emotional pain because of that decision,” he says. Medical professionals also caution against rushing into marriage.

Dr Geofrey Marandu of Kinondoni District Hospital says marrying because of age or societal pressure can lead people to choose partners who are not compatible with them.

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“When people rush into marriage because they feel pressured, they may overlook important differences in values, goals and expectations. This can create stress and increase the likelihood of conflict,” he says.

Similarly, Dr Claudia Thobias of the Doris Mollel Foundation says pressure to marry can affect mental wellbeing.

“Social pressure may cause people to ignore important warning signs about a potential partner’s behaviour, health or ability to sustain a healthy relationship,” she says.

Dr Happiness Kisamo of Tabata Health Centre agrees, saying many people fail to take enough time to know the person they intend to marry.

“When someone feels pressured, they may rush into a relationship without fully understanding the other person. That increases the risk of choosing a partner who is not right for them,” she explains.

Community development expert Emmanuel John believes patience and careful observation remain important before making such a lifechanging decision.

“A man should take time to understand the character of the woman he intends to marry before making a commitment. The same applies to women. Learn about the person’s values, behaviour and lifestyle before saying yes,” he says.

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