I was a ‘clean eating’ blogger obsessed with being healthy. Here’s how I stopped food taking up my thoughts after I became a psychologist.

Rachel Evans is an eating disorder recovery specialist with lived experience.

Rachel Evans

Consuming diet and false nutrition content online is part of what led Rachel Evans to develop an eating disorder.She became an advocate of “clean eating,” a trend she now criticizes for being restrictive.Now an ED psychologist, she advises clients to view online health content through a critical lens.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Rachel Evans, 34, a chartered psychologist who lives in the UK. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

There’s often no single reason why a person develops an eating disorder, but viewing misleading nutrition information on social media contributed to mine.

Through my recovery and training to become an eating disorder recovery psychologist, I learned ways to navigate the treacherous online health space and free myself from restrictive eating.

Growing up in the 90s, I read about celebrity diets and workouts in magazines and thought I should copy what they were doing.

It got worse when social media became a part of my life. In 2012, when I was studying psychology at university, Instagram was becoming popular, and the “clean eating” trend was everywhere.

Some clean-eating influencers would promote certain types of food as “good” and “bad,” and make extreme claims like saying you should eat foods in a certain order.

Some of the messages had a kernel of truth to them, and the more I started to believe those, the more I started to believe the farfetched ones, too. The more I became obsessed with being healthy, the less critical I got.

I started to develop some health problems. My digestion was messed up, my hair was falling out, and I stopped having periods.

A number of other factors also contributed to my developing an eating disorder. By 2013, I was finishing my master’s in health psychology, and I didn’t know what I was going to do next. I based a lot of my self-worth on how well I did in my studies, and I was about to lose that stream of validation, so eating perfectly became a hobby I could get really good at.

I became a ‘clean-eating’ blogger

Evans started following the “clean eating” trend, thinking it would make her healthier.

Rachel Evans

In 2014, I was living abroad in Singapore and working as a research assistant. At the time, I was maintaining a restrictive diet I had found on YouTube. My preoccupation with food was interfering with my life.

I went into therapy, which helped a bit as I managed to introduce more foods into my diet.

The “clean eating” trend was going strong at the time, and I started posting photos of what I ate on Instagram and created a blog. I amassed thousands of readers, had partnerships with popular brands, and I promoted protein powders and nut butters.

At the time, I thought I had recovered because I was better than I was at my worst, but looking back, I had once again set myself strict rules to follow. Behind the scenes, I was struggling with cycles of binge eating and purging.

Evan’s first photo shoot for her cleaning-eating blog was in 2016.

Rachel Evans

Once I decided I wanted to help other people, I knew I had to help myself first

In 2017, with the help of a coach, I decided that I wanted to become an eating disorder recovery psychologist. That was ultimately helpful to my recovery. Once I decided I wanted to help other people, I knew I had to help myself first.

I already had a strong foundation in this area, as I have a Ph.D. in the psychology of eating, habits, self-control, and behavior change from the University of Sheffield, UK. On top of that, I studied to become a master practitioner in eating disorders at the National Centre for Eating Disorders in 2018.

As I learned how to treat people with eating disorders, my relationship with food slowly got more flexible. I deleted the blog in 2020 because it no longer aligned with my views. Now, I post educational content on my Instagram with a more nuanced perspective.

When I was recovering, I spent less time on Instagram and unfollowed accounts that promoted the lifestyle I was trying to move away from.

Food no longer takes up much of my headspace. I try to cook from scratch when I can and eat enough fruits and vegetables every day, but I don’t stress if it doesn’t happen.

When I speak to my clients about navigating nutrition and diet content online, I tell them just because someone online presents something as a fact, that doesn’t mean it’s true, or true for you. They don’t know you and your body better than you.

I remind my clients to take “what I eat in a day” videos with skepticism and that even if they eat and exercise like someone else, they still might not look like them because their genetics are different.

I also tell my clients to try to scroll less “mindlessly” and make sure they’re thinking critically about what they see online.