I didn’t want to be the evil mother-in-law. I took time to get to know my sons’ wives as individuals, not just as their partners.

My mom and her mother-in-law were excellent role models growing up.I aspired to have the relationship they had.I showed my daughters-in-law that I was truly interested in them as people.

Being a mom to three boys meant that the wives they chose were the closest I would ever come to having daughters of my own. Lucky for me, they made excellent choices, but I wanted to make sure I did not mess it up.

Here’s how I successfully navigate my relationships with my daughters-in-law.

My mom had a great relationship with her mother-in-law

I was fortunate to have an excellent role model in my mom, who revered her own mother-in-law and often referred to her as a saint. She was as close to her as she was to her own mother.

My four sisters-in-law felt the same way about my mom. In the kitchen, they worked as a synchronized team: My mom never had to ask for help — they respected her and felt comfortable pitching in.

When my three sons each brought home “the one,” I knew I wanted the same type of relationship that my mom had with her daughters-in-law. Being the stereotypical evil mother-in-law was my worst nightmare.

I made time alone with them

The three girls already felt like part of the family when my eldest son got engaged. To bond the relationship before making it official, I gave each girl a spa certificate for Christmas. My intention was to have some alone time with them to establish a sisterhood, knowing women play a key role in holding families together.

Since then, we have developed a complicity within our testosterone-dominant family. Knowing the boys and their dad sometimes butt heads on some matters, I respectfully requested their aid in keeping the peace when conflicts arise. I openly expressed my desire to have a healthy relationship and asked for help in setting boundaries.

To this day, I try my best to be discreet and ensure that my questions show genuine interest rather than prying. I work to create a climate where it is safe to share and express opinions without fear of judgment.

I put effort into our relationship

In turn, I offered help and support rather than advice when planning their showers, socials (a thing in our neck of the woods), weddings, and baby showers. I put effort into choosing thoughtful gifts tailored to their individual needs and interests on special occasions. After giving birth to my grandsons, I prepared and delivered a week’s worth of complete home-made meals for them.

The girls have also expressed their appreciation to me for being supportive and not overstepping or being intrusive. They value the effort I put into nurturing the relationship between us and trust that I have their best interests at heart. About 10 years in, our relationship is still going strong. Despite our very busy lives, we make regular family gatherings and creating family traditions a priority.

I babysit my grandkids

I babysit the grandkids each Thursday to give the kids and parents a break from day care. We treasure our special day together, and at the end of their workday, their moms and dads join us for a homemade meal that I prepare during naptime. After supper, I quickly bathe and jammy up the kids while the parents visit and relax before going home all ready for bed.

With respect to parenting, I make sure to keep the lines of communication clear by checking with Mom without going through Dad. I show respect for everyone’s parenting style by asking questions, withholding judgment, and confirming with them whenever in doubt.

One of them told me that she appreciates my being open-minded to new parenting styles such as baby-led-weaning and keeping up to date on child development to help the kids be their best. I take the time to think about what they really need and simply offer help.

I appreciate each of my daughters-in-law as if they were my own girls. I strive to show recognition and appreciation for the vital role they play in our family. This has helped to create harmony and connection for us all.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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